The Accident Read online

  Chris 5:06 pm:

  Of course you are.

  Danielle 5:06 pm:

  It’s just … one day, Momma is healthy, and the next she’s sick and could be dying. We had high hopes that the surgery and first treatment would cure this, but, since it didn’t, it has me on edge. Our whole worlds have been turned upside down, and I can’t tell which way is up half the time.

  Chris 5:07 pm:

  That’s understandable. Do you need anything?

  Danielle 5:08 pm:

  No. We’re well taken care of by our church family. I’m taking care of Momma, and I could still cook, but the ladies at church prefer to show their love with tuna casseroles and jugs of sweet tea, so we let them. But can I be honest?

  Chris 5:09 pm:

  Of course.

  Danielle 5:09 pm:

  I don’t want them to be nice. I don’t want their sympathy. I don’t mean to sound ungrateful. It’s just … just …

  Chris 5:09 pm:

  You want to control what you can’t control?

  Danielle 5:10 pm:

  Yes.

  Danielle 5:10 pm:

  Yes, that.

  Chris 5:10 pm:

  Can we stop and pray?

  Danielle 5:11 pm:

  Umm, sure.

  Chris 5:13 pm:

  Father, I pray for Danielle’s mother’s healing. I pray that it be Your will to restore her health. But I also pray that you give Danielle and her mother patience during this season. I pray that You instill in them a heart of gratitude, even during this uncertain season. You said we are to pray without ceasing and give thanks in all things, and now I ask that you give them the ability to do just that.

  Lord, please give Danielle a special peace, and strengthen her hands as she serves her mother.

  In Jesus’ name. Amen.

  Danielle 5:14 pm:

  Thank you. That was very nice of you. And I do feel better.

  Chris 5:14 pm:

  You’re welcome.

  Danielle 5:15 pm:

  And thanks for letting me vent. Everyone else looks at me like I’m crazy or cynical or something if I blow a fuse. I do appreciate the ladies and all the other help we get. And they are really sweet to her because they’ve been learning how to cook foods to go along with this diet. I just hate that we need it.

  Chris 5:16 pm:

  No, I get it. I really do. You’re afraid and hurt. Those are hard emotions to understand. But they shouldn’t be. We all feel pain and fear. But we handle it differently, so it’s not always easy to know what to do with someone else’s. But you don’t have to be afraid to be real with me. I’ll always listen without judging you.

  Danielle 5:17 pm:

  Thanks. That means a lot to me. My father has already passed away, and she’s all I have left.

  Chris 5:18 pm:

  I see. I didn’t realize you had lost your father and your husband. I’m sorry. But don’t forget, you still have Ashlyn, and she’s worth hanging on for.

  Danielle 5:19 pm:

  Yeah. I still have Ashlyn. But if I can be a bit more honest: I’m not sure I even know who Ashlyn is anymore.

  ~~~

  Danielle 7:05 pm:

  I’m bored. Are you too busy to chat?

  Chris 7:07 pm:

  There’s a game coming on. Do you want to watch it with me?

  Chris 7:07 pm:

  Watch it from your place, I mean, while I watch it at my place.

  Danielle 7:08 pm:

  Sure. What sort of game?

  Chris 7:08 pm:

  Hockey. I suppose you’ve heard that Nashville’s team is in the playoffs this year?

  Danielle 7:09 pm:

  Umm, no, actually I haven’t.

  Chris 7:10 pm:

  Please at least tell me you knew that we had a team? LOL

  Danielle 7:11 pm:

  LOL Yes, I knew we had a team. Predators? Right?

  Chris 7:12 pm:

  “You’re killing me, Smalls.” ;) Please at least tell me you know where that quote comes from.

  Danielle 7:13 pm:

  LOL The Sandlot! I know that one well. It was a favorite of my dad’s.

  Chris 7:14 pm:

  And you did say that you watched some sports, right? So you weren’t lying, were you? I wouldn’t want to torture you or anything.

  Danielle 7:15 pm:

  LOL No, I do, I promise. I just don’t watch often. My husband was a Titans fan so it was mostly football, but I don’t follow it anymore after he passed away. And I’ve never watched a hockey game before.

  Chris 7:16 pm:

  :) Well, then I consider it an honor to introduce you to Smashville. And you couldn’t have come at a better time. The playoffs are always exciting.

  Chris 7:17 pm:

  Search for Predators Hockey on your TV and get ready. The catfish are gonna fly!

  Danielle 7:19 pm:

  LOL Okay, I found the channel, but … catfish? Was that some sort of typo or something?

  Chris 7:21 pm:

  Nope! LOL The fans throw things on the ice sometimes. And in Nashville, they throw catfish. Yes, real catfish. It’s a hoot.

  Danielle 7:22 pm:

  I have never in my life! LOL

  Chris 7:23 pm:

  There’s nothing like hockey. And there’s nothing like hockey in Tennessee!

  Ashlyn’s Diary:

  I took a walk around the neighborhood today. It’s a quiet area so Momma let me go alone. It was refreshing. I think for the first time, I felt like my head was sticking out above the fog. My prayer time went a little better than yesterday. I didn’t cry the whole time, but I still didn’t know what to say. No one ever tells you these things. They say you can talk to God, but they don’t exactly tell you how to talk to someone you can’t hear. I’m glad Chris had texted the wrong number. Talking with him the past three days has been like stepping out of the fog as well.

  I can’t believe I’m saying this, but … I watched my first hockey game tonight, and I LOVED it! I never thought I’d care for hockey, but I do! It was so much fun. And watching it with Chris was really neat. We chatted the whole way through the game. He answered all my questions, which I only had a gazillion of. I still almost thought he was joking about the catfish thing, but someone actually threw one on the ice. It was hilarious! And I honestly can’t wait till the next game now.

  Momma went to bed early tonight again. It’s why I had texted Chris to begin with. It’s been fun chatting with him. I get tired of being alone all the time. I mean, I can text Audrey or Vicki, but it just hasn’t been the same since Momma’s been diagnosed. It’s like they tiptoe around me and don’t really want to talk. They’re weird. Or maybe I’m weird. I don’t even know anymore.

  But with Chris it’s different. He doesn’t treat me like I’m about to shatter. I don’t know. I think I am about to shatter most of the time, but I still don’t want to be treated like it.

  Texting Chris is a tad odd too. Like, what if he gets the wrong idea and asks me out or something? I can’t say yes. Not like I want to or anything. I mean, dating an old guy would be super gross. But the more I text him, the more I think he’d be perfect for Momma. But she doesn’t know him. And he doesn’t know that he’s not talking to her. So it’s not like I can just set her up with him or something.

  I could tell him the truth or just stop texting him altogether. I guess if he asks me out, I’d be forced to. But for now, maybe I’ll just keep talking to him. Is there anything wrong with that? I mean, as long as he isn’t asking me out or anything?

  Chapter Four

  May 29, 2017

  Danielle 8:32 pm:

  Is that a catfish?!

  Danielle 8:32 pm:

  Ewwww!! It IS! It looks so gross!

  Danielle 8:32 pm:

  What did he do to that thing? It’s mutilated!

  Chris 8:33 pm:

  LOL This is unbelievable!

  And, yeah, it looks pretty gross.

  Chris
8:35 pm:

  Wow! Did you catch that? They said that the fish markets around Pittsburgh were taking IDs and trying to ensure that no one was buying a catfish unless they were going to eat it. But this dude just smuggled in a catfish anyway.

  Danielle 8:36 pm:

  I did! That’s insane. Where was he keeping that thing?

  Chris 8:37 pm:

  LOL I’m not sure. I bet he smelled.

  Chris 8:37 pm:

  They just kicked him out of the game!

  Danielle 8:38 pm:

  Well, that was stupid of them. I mean, he didn’t hurt anyone.

  Chris 8:38 pm:

  :/ That was pretty lame of them. We’ll hear more about it in the morning, I’m sure.

  Ashlyn’s Diary, Next Day:

  Chris was right. The catfish man was all over the news and on social media this morning. Can you believe this? They actually arrested the guy. That is so ridiculous, and it makes the Penguins look like whiny babies. He’s been dubbed Catfish Jake, and he’s an instant celebrity here. This whole thing has been so funny. I’m so glad I was watching when this happened.

  Momma had a little more energy today. She wanted to go to the store. I went with her, of course. We bought some popcorn. I talked her into grabbing two big boxes. I’ve been eating a bag or two a day. She was tired when we came home, so I fixed some oatmeal for both of us, since it’s approved on her diet, and we called it dinner. It looks like it’s going to be a boring summer this year. I’m not going to youth camp. Momma said I could go if I wanted, but I didn’t really want to. I don’t like her staying here by herself. She said she’d be fine, and I know the women will come and check on her. But … I don’t know. I guess I’m kinda afraid that she won’t be here when I get back, so I feel better staying. Besides, I have to keep getting to her phone before she does. She normally leaves her phone in the living room with me anyways, so she can rest uninterrupted. I run interference for her and the church ladies. Someone calls almost every day to check in on her, so I chat with them and let them know when they can come by. It gives me something to do. It’s kinda boring here, but it’s better than being at school, I guess.

  Chapter Five

  June 10, 2017

  Danielle 7:45 pm:

  Are you busy?

  Chris 7:48 pm:

  Nope. You?

  Danielle 7:48 pm:

  LOL Not at all. What in the world are we going to watch now that the hockey games are over?

  Chris 7:49 pm:

  I take it you’re a fan now?

  Danielle 7:50 pm:

  Yes, I really am. I enjoyed it much more than I expected to. Still heartbroken that the Preds lost the other night.

  But that brings me back to my question. What are we gonna watch together now?

  Chris 7:51 pm:

  Urg. Don’t remind me.

  Tough question. Do you have Netflix or Hulu?

  Danielle 7:52 pm:

  Depends on which room I’m watching TV in.

  Chris 7:52 pm:

  Alright. Then you pick and we’ll binge watch as we’re able.

  Chris 7:53 pm:

  PLEASE don’t say When Calls the Heart. I beg you, anything but that.

  Danielle 7:54 pm:

  LOL You’re safe there. I don’t care for history. My mom loves it though.

  Chris 7:55 pm:

  Whew!

  How is your mom?

  Danielle 7:56 pm:

  The same. She has what they call cancer related fatigue. So on top of the normal cancer ailments, she’s extremely tired all of the time. It’s hard to watch. I want to spend more time with her, but she’s too tired to do anything.

  Chris 7:57 pm:

  I’m sorry. That must be hard on you both. How is she handling things? How are you handling it? Sometimes it’s harder on the family than it is the patient.

  Danielle 7:59 pm:

  You hit the nail on the head. It’s hard on us both in different ways. She’s weak and just miserable. It breaks my heart to see her wilting away like she is. She used to be so lively and now …

  As hard as it is for me to watch, the reality is just as difficult. I already lost my dad, so she’s all I have left. Every time she looks at me with those droopy eyes, I’m reminded that I might lose her too.

  On top of all that, we seem to fight all the time.

  Chris 8:01 pm:

  I’m so sorry. I didn’t realize things were so bad. I’ll be praying for both of you.

  Why do you fight all the time?

  Danielle 8:02 pm:

  Who knows anymore. Honestly, I think every one of our fights are over silly things that don’t even matter.

  Chris 8:03 pm:

  Do you think maybe you’re both feeling the same way and just have a hard time managing those feelings?

  Danielle 8:05 pm:

  Maybe. I don’t know. She’s so hard to talk to these days, I’m not sure I could ask her to find out.

  Chris 8:06 pm:

  Can I ask you something?

  Danielle 8:07 pm:

  Sure.

  Chris 8:08 pm:

  Are you easy to talk to? Is your mom really the only one who is standoffish? Could you be guilty of the same thing?

  Danielle 8:09 pm:

  Maybe. *red cheeked emoji*

  Chris 8:10 pm:

  Look, you can take my advice or not. It’s your call. But if you want your mom to be open and receptive, you’re going to have to be open with her and then listen without getting angry.

  All of our days are numbered, whether we’re sick or not. You wouldn’t want petty stuff like this keeping you from connecting to your mom while she’s still here.

  Danielle 8:11 pm:

  Easier said than done, I’m afraid.

  Chris 8:12 pm:

  I understand. But humbling yourself is always hard. But it’s also always worth it. Give it a try and see if God doesn’t bless your efforts.

  Danielle 8:13 pm:

  You’re right. I mean, I know you are. … But why does the right thing feel so hard to do?

  Chris 8:14 pm:

  The right thing is ALWAYS harder to do. But God promised to help us walk the path of righteousness. Just pray for God to give you the heart to want to be humble, then go from there. I’ve learned that the real reason a Christian isn’t able to repent is because they don’t really want to. So start by praying that God will give you a heart to want to obey. He’ll honor that, and, in time, you’ll find yourself wanting to be humble and seeking God’s help in actually doing it.

  Danielle 8:15 pm:

  Wow! You’re just a fountain of wisdom. Thanks again!

  Chris 8:16 pm:

  You’re welcome.

  How is your daughter doing now that school is out? Did she find her inspiration?

  Danielle 8:17 pm:

  Urg! There’s another problem. LOL She’s been sick this week too. Just an irritating case of the sniffles, but she’s been lounging around the house and grumpy all week. She’s supposed to go to a friend’s house tomorrow, and I hope she gets to go. She needs to get out of my hair for a few hours before she drives me crazy. LOL

  Chris 8:18 pm:

  LOL I’ll pray for her too.

  Danielle 8:18 pm:

  You do that! I’m tempted to send her and her box of tissues to her friend’s house tomorrow. LOL

  Danielle 8:19 pm:

  Oh, but she DID find her inspiration again. You were certainly a help to her there. So thanks for that too.

  Chris 8:18 pm:

  Oh, that’s great to hear! And you’re welcome!

  Danielle 8:20 pm:

  And how about we binge watch rerun episodes of Home Improvement. I can’t find anything else appealing at the moment. And their crazy family will take my mind off of my own.

  Chris 8:21 pm:

  Sure. That works for me. Episode One, coming up …

  Ashlyn’s Diary:

  Ouch! I was talking to Chris and happened to mention how hosti
le Momma is and how we can’t seem to speak to one another without a fight breaking out. Chris pointed out that I might be part of the problem. So, I didn’t exactly like hearing that. Momma said something the other day about my attitude, but I’m thinking she clearly doesn’t deal with herself like I have to, or she’d know that she’s just as bad. But before I could say that to Chris, I remembered how helpful he was about the fog thing. He really understood my problem there, and I’ve been taking a walk every day. Praying is still kinda strange for me but I’m still trying. I was almost afraid to attempt drawing anything, because I didn’t want to find out that I still couldn’t do it. But, I mean, I really didn’t feel like my thoughts were still in the fog. There was a freedom that I didn’t have before that’s hard to explain. But, anyways, I decided to try it and was able to draw a puppy. He’s cute and cartoony. Erin, from my art class last year, is so good at drawing. Everything she does always turns out so lifelike. Mine doesn’t. Mine always look cartoony, but I like it. Anyways, I drew the puppy holding a cupcake. So, ever since that day, I’ve been attempting to draw, and the pencil isn’t feeling so foreign to me anymore.